The overall vibe I got from the interviews: The company is a red flag - exploitive, manipulative, dishonest. I talked to a CEO who probably has Narcissistic Personality Disorder, their personal assistant who enables their behavior and does way too much for them, and a few employees who were probably internally screaming "Don't come here, I don't even wanna be here." Company's public image is goody-goody-two-shoes but the CEO told me many, many things that are the opposite of all those happy, compassionate views. He seemed like he was underhandedly combing and testing my boundaries rather than my actual qualifications for the job. Probably checking to see if I was a genuinely good person with really, really low self-esteem to easily exploit. Do I get defensive and react? Do I brush off their inappropriate behavior? Do I get easily swayed by (empty) praise/compliments? I think the final hiring decision is based on the most beneficial combination of "How good is this person's qualifications?" and "Must have little to no boundaries." If you are young, a fresh grad, or just trying to break into the industry, exploitation is not mandatory nor is it a rite of passage. If Z is reading this, I'm no therapist but I'd like to suggest for you to think about anyone in your childhood who made you feel like you weren't good enough no matter what you did. Could be a parent/guardian. The reason you're numb and unable to feel anything may be because it's a self-defense mechanism that protects you from emotional trauma, but it never knew when to turn itself off. You are truly a worthy person regardless of money or success, or someone's subjective approval of you, including your own. Wishing you peace, and hoping you rediscover your inner light.